There was quite a stir at the University of Colorado after Max Carson's racist satirical article, War On Asians, in which Carson describes in detail the many stereotypes of Asian American culture.  Carson felt the need to respond to what seemed like racial tension between White and Asian students at his university.  This tension was actualized as an epiphany (all great actualizations occur in this medium) when he courteously tried returning a racketball back to some Asian students sharing the court.

The story, ad epistulis

But last week, I had an epiphany.

After my friend and I finished working our abs at the Rec Center, we decided to head upstairs to tighten our buns on the StairMaster. As we walked down the hallway, a rubber ball bounced out of one of the racquetball courts and landed at the feet of an Asian in front of us. He picked up the ball and leaned over the railing of the court nearest to him.

"Hey, that's not ours," I heard a guy call up from the court. The Asian stared down at him for a moment, and then held the ball out to him. "That's not ours," the guy said again.

Then another voice called out from a different court, "Hey, does anyone see a ball up there?"

The Asian looked over, confused.

"I think it goes to that court," I said, pointing to the one nearest to me.

The Asian stared at me blankly for another second, and then he looked back down into the court next to him and offered them the ball again.

"That's not our ball," the guy called up.

"Excuse me," I said. The Asian whipped his head around and scowled at me. "I think it goes to that court."

He paused a few seconds, and then he said, in a perfect American accent, "Okay," and tossed the ball into the court next to me.

That's when it hit me.

The Asian was so jaded by his experiences with the whitebread, brainless tree sloths of CU that even though three people had explained to him that he was trying to return the ball to the wrong court, it was inconceivable to him that we might be right.


How do you say "Okay" in a perfect American English accent?  They're two letters of the Alphabet!Maybe, Mr. KKKarson, he didn't speak English, and wasn't jaded by his experiences with the white, brainless, marsupial-like baked goods at your university.  While the full article was said to be satirical in nature, the only humour I'm gleaming from this opinion paper is the ignorance of it's writer. 

"In America you speak English or get the fuck out!"
"I'm taking night school"
"Learn faster!!"

So, while angry pro-rights groups have been shouting First Amendment! First Amendment!  if I were living in the States, I'd be touting my second amendment rights and shooting any silly hate-mongering CU students foolish enough to attempt kidnapping me and making me play DDR.

Especially if that CU student happens to be the King of England.